


Collide

by eplrluieett



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Post-Canon, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-09
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-15 20:26:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29320116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eplrluieett/pseuds/eplrluieett
Summary: A series of one-shots, stand alones, and drabbles dedicated to Levi and Mikasa. Tags will be updated as I go.
Relationships: Mikasa Ackerman/Levi
Comments: 19
Kudos: 115





	1. Hana

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I'm new to this, so please be patient and bear with me. It's a learning experience. Also, I'm not emotionally prepared to deal with Hange or Sasha dying, so they're probably going to be alive most of the time. 
> 
> For the first chapter, please read the note at the end. Thank you all!

It had not been an easy pregnancy for Mikasa. Hell, even that was putting it lightly. It had been one of the most difficult things she had ever experienced. Everyone Mikasa knew - Historia, Sasha, all the women in the village they lived near - had had a beautiful time, glowing as they carried their children. Even Sasha’s most difficult pregnancy, her fifth, had been nothing compared to this.

  
From the start, Mikasa had experienced extreme nausea, and had trouble keeping anything down. Refusing to be broken, she consulted with the village physician and Hange, and switched to a mostly liquid diet. Through trial and error, she discovered that she could keep creamy pork broth with a slice of bread down for long enough if she laid on the bed with her legs up against the wall and drank cold ginger tea immediately after.

  
As she entered the fourth month, something inside of her eased and her appetite returned with vigor. Unfortunately, the reprieve was short lived. Soon headaches, swelling, and blinding pain in her hips and lower back set in, in rapid succession. Historia sent one of her personal physicians, one who had recently returned from studying in Marley. Dr. Valess and Hange consulted with her as she rested in the large master bedroom of the villa she and Levi owned.

  
“Mrs. Ackerman, at this point I’m afraid that there is no treatment we can offer. All pain medication we have to give under normal circumstances are considered unsafe for pregnancy. The only thing that I can recommend is prolonged bed rest.” Dr. Valess reported softly. Mikasa nodded curtly, glaring at the ceiling. “Perhaps...Mrs. Ackerman, have you and your husband considered starting over?”

  
From his position looking out the window, Levi turned to glance at his wife. Mikasa didn’t move. Hange recognized the set of her jaw. She looked to Levi briefly before speaking slowly.

  
“Mikasa, if you drink the red leaf tea in the next few days, this pregnancy will terminate. We don’t know if this child will survive, or if you will for that matter. This could be the safest option we can offer...”

  
“Out of the question.” Mikasa said firmly. Hange traded a look with Dr. Valess.

  
“Mikasa,” Hange began, before she was cut off by Levi.

  
“Thank you for your time, Dr. Valess. Hange, that will be all.” Levi said, the finality in his voice clear. Hange sighed softly, but gestured to the doctor. As she closed the door behind her, she watched Levi sit next to his wife, raising her hand to his lips.

  
Behind the closed door, Levi set Mikasa’s hand down, bringing his own to gently cup her cheek. It had taken both of them a long time to come to the decision to try for a child. In the nearly ten years since the war had ended, Sasha and Conny had formed an entire tribe of six children, with a seventh due to arrive any day. Jean and Hitch had two of their own. Hange had informally adopted Gabi and Falco after the war, and although they were grown now, Levi knew that they counted on her as their mother. 

  
Levi and Mikasa, however, had taken their time coming together. An abundance of fear, though neither of them would admit to it, had made them both slow to adjust to the new peace. They had lived near enough to each other to keep a sparring routine up. It made them both feel safer, knowing they would still be able to fight. Both had their gear packed away, but close enough to grab in an emergency. 

  
There had also been grief. So much grief. For Mikasa, the weight of losing Eren and Armin had nearly crushed her. For two years, she did little except a brief daily walk and sparring twice a week with Levi. There were many days, though, where she had found herself unable to even get out of bed. She lost an unhealthy amount of weight, her skin became pallid, and her eyes were haunted.

  
Levi watched with concern as she struggled. After Eren and Armin, he knew that she counted him as her closest friend. The bond had formed during extensive training sessions as he had taken her under his proverbial wing. They learned to trust each other possibly more than any of the other soldiers. They were able to communicate silently in battle, and outside of battle they each felt more understood by the other than by anyone else. They were deadly, the only two Ackermans left standing. Naturally, she became a dear friend. So he watched and waited, doing what he could to ease her burden. More than once he had spent the night in her living room after cleaning and making sure she ate, too tired to go home.

  
One day, Mikasa realized it was easier for her to breathe than it had been the day before. Slowly, she began to emerge from her grief. She rediscovered the delight of the sun on her skin. She found joy in the flowers she saw around her cottage. She became more dedicated to sparring, and found Levi’s company more comforting. They traveled together to the forests to continue using their 3DMG, and to see their old comrades. They found themselves spending more time together than not.

  
It just happened. One day, with no preamble, she kissed him. Levi loathed cliche, and he knew that Hange would squeal with delight that her instinct about them had been correct. But as she slipped into bed with him, as he moved his hands over her body, as their lips met again and again with urgency and tenderness, as he slid into her and she moaned softly, her hips moving against his...he just couldn’t bring himself to care about cliche. He held Mikasa that night as she slept and vaguely wondered if anyone had won the over/under before chuckling softly and falling asleep himself. 

Just like that, they were together; there were no prolonged, awkward discussions. Mikasa quietly moved her things into Levi’s slightly larger cottage. They decided they would build a larger home together. Within a few months, they hosted a small celebration for their wedding; only former comrades were invited, though Hange had argued they could have drawn a crowd to rival Historia’s wedding. At the time, Sasha had just had her third son.

  
“I’m going to keep going until I have a girl.” Sasha declared to Mikasa, though she gazed at her newborn boy in delight. “I’ve told Conny already.” 

Still, they weren’t sure if the peace would last enough for children. That night, the first in the villa they had built near the sea, they agreed that Mikasa would continue to take the tonic that prevented children, until they were both sure they were safe. They both knew peace was a fragile thing, and perhaps they both thought that they didn’t quite deserve the happiness they had found in each other; when would the other shoe drop?

  
It took another six years before they were comfortable. Hange was still involved in diplomacy, and would frequently visit to assure them that the peace was stable. The world had had enough of titans. Levi was fast approaching 45, though he didn’t look or feel it, and he didn’t want to be an old man when he became a father. He was worried enough already.

  
“You’d better not fucking die on me, brat.” He murmured, stroking her cheek. She frowned.

  
“I think you know me better than that.”

  
“Did you give any real consideration to their proposal, or are you just being stubborn?” Levi asked. Mikasa’s eyes closed slowly. She gathered her thoughts slowly, breathing steadily.

  
“This could be our only chance, Levi.” She replied. 

  
“Tch. You have no way of knowing that.” 

  
“You don’t either. I don’t want to gamble. And I believe everything will be alright. I can handle the pain and discomfort. This baby is the most precious thing to me. To us. I will protect her.”

  
Levi’s eyebrow quirked. He was smart enough to know that she had no way of being sure she was carrying a girl. He was also smart enough to know that there was no arguing with Mikasa. He could only help her move forward. 

  
Mikasa’s life took a rather odd turn to the uneventful in her remaining months. After years of activity, first in the war and later for personal benefit, the most difficult thing for her was the boredom. She found ways around the physical symptoms; when a headache came on, she knew to close the curtains and call for a cup of chamomile tea. Levi’s tea houses imported tea from all over the world, so he ordered a large supply to keep on hand. He would bring the cup to her along with fresh mint leaves from their garden. She found that sipping the tea and chewing the mint was enough to calm the storm in her head for long enough that she could drift into sleep. Usually, Levi would stroke her hair or hold her hand as she slipped into unconsciousness.

  
As her calves and ankles swelled, and the pain reared its ugly head, what seemed like a thousand fluffy pillows took up residence with her on the bed. Her feet were propped up as needed. She slept on her side, with pillows propped behind her, in front of her, and one or two between her knees. Mikasa wasn’t honestly sure where Levi slept, with a mountain of pillows and her growing belly taking up most of the bed, but each morning she woke up to him beside her, an arm wrapped over her stomach. He still struggled with insomnia, and more often than not he was already awake. 

  
They both recognized that they were fortunate she was at least able to eat. She gained the required weight, and her belly grew. Historia sent a small army of midwives to stay, and ordered Dr. Valess to stay as well. Hange visited when she could, always bringing a new herb or medicine for Mikasa to try based on her travels, though none worked. Dr. Valess and the midwives would take turns trying gentle massages. Levi observed quietly, and soon he was the only one capable of easing the pain. 

  
Levi rarely left the bedroom these days, typically only to oversee things in the kitchen. He moved the contents of his desk from his office to their room so he could work there, writing letters to the managers of his tea-houses. He sent staff into the cities to look for rare books for Mikasa to read, and went out himself to find the best drawing supplies available in Shiganshina. But still, most days, she stared longingly out the window, waiting to be free.

She did not regret her decision, though. Despite the pain, the discomfort, the boredom, she found pleasure in certain aspects. She loved feeling the baby move inside of her. She loved seeing the wonder in Levi’s eyes when he first felt a kick. She loved knowing that she could provide a safe place for her child. She reveled in the knowledge that her body was still strong enough to endure this. 

  
Mikasa wasn't even the one who noticed that her water had broken. She had been having false contractions for two weeks at this point, so she didn’t think anything of the pains she felt that night as she tried to sleep. Levi, ever the light sleeper, woke her in the early morning. She blinked up at him, bleary eyed, wondering what the issue was. She slowly came to realize that the bedding around her was wet. She blushed, at first convinced that she had unintentionally urinated. 

  
"I've already called for the doctor." Levi said softly, helping her stand so he could strip the bed. It was only then that she remembered that this was supposed to happen, this was a part of the process. Levi moved quickly and efficiently, setting down the bedding and towels that had been provided by the midwives in preparation, helping Mikasa into a new, clean, oversized nightgown. He paused for a moment at her stomach, caressing her belly in his large hands, before a knock at the door interrupted him.

  
"Come in." He called, letting the nightgown fall down to Mikasa's knees. He put a hand on her cheek and offered her a rare smile before he kissed her. It was too brief for Mikasa's liking, but a grabbing pain in her pelvis and back brought her back to the task at hand. Dr. Valess and two midwives, Johanna and Lilja, entered the room as Levi helped her back into the bed. Mikasa closed her eyes, centering herself. 

  
The pregnancy had been hell, but the delivery was as straightforward as it could be. Labor lasted most of the day, but went smoothly, with no complications. Afterwards, Johanna told her it had been the easiest first birth she had ever witnessed. Levi said very little, but wordlessly provided her with whatever she needed. It reminded her of being back in the corps, oddly enough. They communicated through glances and small gestures. Between contractions, Levi would press his forehead to hers, his blue-gray eyes piercing through her, centering her. _You can do this. I’m proud of you. Breathe._

  
Mikasa had been right; it was a girl. A beautiful, pink, wrinkled, screaming baby girl. She cried from the start, not keeping her parents waiting. Dr. Valess clamped the cord and Levi cut it, privately thankful that he was involved in this small way. Lilja wrapped the baby in the waiting blanket and handed her to Mikasa for the first time. 

  
Levi watched as his wife took their daughter in her arms for the first time. Mikasa stared into her face, memorizing every detail. She felt Levi move to sit next to her again, his eyes never leaving them. He was determined to give her this moment, however long it would last; she had fought and suffered for this, and he would give her the time she wanted. Mikasa wasn’t sure when she had started crying, but tears streamed down her face as she finally looked up to her husband. She smiled, and it was the most brilliant thing Levi had ever seen. Mikasa shifted, moving to hand the baby to Levi.

  
The first thing he noticed was that she had blue-gray eyes, exact copies of his eyes, of his mother’s. She had fine black hair, which felt indescribably soft as he ran his hand gently over her head. Levi felt overwhelming pride. Pride in his wife, who had been so brave. Pride in the life they had built together after so much suffering. Pride in the precious bundle he held in his arms, pride in the woman he knew she would grow up to be. He knew instantly that this little girl already had him wrapped around her tiny finger.

  
Mikasa watched tenderly as Levi fell in love with their daughter. She was exhausted, of course, and she barely noticed that Dr. Valess was still working between her legs. Soon though, she felt a strange tug and a brief cramping sensation. She looked down to find the doctor finally pulling away, carrying something with him. Johanna took his place and soon, Mikasa felt a cooling sensation spreading.

  
“Dr. Valess has removed the afterbirth, Mrs. Ackerman.” Johanna said quietly. “Would you like us to help you bathe?” Mikasa hesitated for a moment, looking to her husband.

  
“Like I would let anything fucking happen to her.” He said crossly, not even looking up. Mikasa laughed, at that moment feeling the ache and grime from the day. She nodded to Johanna, who moved to the opposite side of the bed to help her move. Mikasa’s feet hit the floor and she experimentally put some weight on them. She was definitely feeling the impact of months of bed rest, and the sudden change in her body’s shape was hard to get used to. Johanna and Lilja were consummate professionals, though, and stood on either side of her as she moved cautiously to the bathroom, their arms around her waist and shoulders.

  
Lilja helped Johanna get Mikasa into the bath, then left the room. Mikasa heard the quiet thumps of the mattress and realized that the bedding was being changed, for the second time that day. Johanna, meanwhile, moved surely around the bath, briefly massaging Mikasa’s shoulders and feet as she bathed her. After helping Mikasa stand again, Johanna rubbed aromatic herbs and salves on her body; the same cooling salve as before on her groin, something sweet and fragrant on her shoulders, something that felt strangely warm around her breasts. It felt wonderful, but Mikasa’s head was getting fuzzy with exhaustion and she had trouble concentrating on Johanna’s words as she helped Mikasa into a thick undergarment and another loose nightgown.

  
“We’ll leave plenty of these salves for you, with thorough instructions. I’ll go through the instructions with your husband, as well. Now, let’s get you back to that sweet girl.” Lilja returned to help Mikasa back into the bed, which she noted was dressed in clean and soft new sheets. Levi had not moved a muscle, still staring at the baby with reverence.

  
Before she knew it, Johanna and Lilja had settled her back into bed and propped one arm up on a pillow. Levi carefully deposited their daughter back into her arms, and stood back while Lilja opened a button on the nightgown they had put her in, freeing one breast. With very little coaxing, Lilja steered the baby’s mouth to Mikasa’s nipple. She gaped at the strange sensation.

  
“She knows exactly what to do.” Lilja said, satisfied. She could see that Mikasa was exhausted and near to sleep, so she directed her next words to the Captain (she knew he was no longer a captain, but his terrifying legacy made him worthy of the title for eternity in her mind). “We’ll still be downstairs should you need us though, sir.” Levi nodded, and they quietly left the room.

  
He was sure that Mikasa was sleeping; her eyes were closed, her shoulders relaxed. The baby was still feeding, and Levi watched her carefully to make sure she was still breathing. He moved quietly around the bed and carefully sat on the other side. 

  
“We need to decide on a name.” Mikasa said, startling Levi, who’s keen eyes were still on the baby. He hummed in agreement. They had discussed it at length over the course of the pregnancy, but they had decided to save the final decision until they met her. 

  
“What’s your favorite?” Levi asked, his hand running over the baby’s head again. He couldn’t stop himself. Mikasa opened her eyes lazily and looked into their child’s face again, finding that even the good memory she had of the sweet face was nothing compared to the real thing.

  
“Hana.” Mikasa whispered. The baby let Mikasa’s nipple fall out of her mouth, looking around in confusion. She yawned widely, her eyes starting to droop. Mikasa grinned at Levi, who returned a small smile. It seemed to Mikasa that she already knew her name.

  
“Hana.” He said in agreement. They kissed gently over the baby’s head, until Mikasa pulled back, her own eyes drooping. Levi reached over and transferred Hana back into his own arms as Mikasa’s eyes closed and she slumped down further into the fluffy bedding. 

  
He stayed up most of the night, with Hana nestled in his arms. She woke once to eat, and Mikasa fed her with bleary eyes and then fell back asleep promptly. Levi changed the diaper with Lilja’s help, memorizing everything from the direction she wiped to the careful way she folded the fabric back together and pinned it. He watched Hana’s face, her expressions as she slept, her small limbs moving ever so slightly. He watched and watched until finally, sleep began to claim him. 

  
As he set her carefully in the bassinet they had next to the bed, he realized that the Wings of Freedom had been stitched in the corner of her blanket. He wasn’t sure where it had come from, but he suddenly felt sure that it needed to be there. He dreamt that night of Hana playing in a field, surrounded by their friends, playing with Eren and Armin. Levi wasn’t much of a believer in signs, but he felt sure this was a good one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A note on this first story: I would like to state right away, that this is not an “OMG BABIES ARE THE MOST PRECIOUS THING EVAAAAR” moment. To clear the air right off the bat, I am a member of the most feminist family that has probably ever existed. I am willing to throw down over my belief that every woman has the right to choose whether she should remain pregnant, that it is her body and therefore her choice. I also do not believe that all women must be mothers; I myself am 32, happily married for 7 years, and have gleefully decided not to be a parent. This is not a story about how pregnancy is the most amazing thing and every woman should go through it no matter the consequences, no matter how much she might suffer, because it is so beautiful and it is our duty as people with uteruses.
> 
> This story is from the perspective of a woman who has lost people dear to her, who has experienced literal hell on earth and has come out the other side. She is a strong and fiercely protective woman who is choosing what is right for her, who is choosing her own story. Please do not come at me yelling about how I’m advocating for a woman to remain pregnant no matter what, because that is not what I am saying at all. Go forth and have an abortion if that’s what is right for you. Or don’t, if that’s what’s right for you. I’m here to support you no matter what.


	2. Drabbles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A small collection of drabbles that I haven't been able to work into full length stories - yet?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello all! First of all, thank you to everyone who has been reading. I really appreciate you all giving me your time! This is a super short chapter, but it's a few of my favorite drabbles so far. I think there's a chance that I might be revisiting them in the future, but for now they're driving me a little crazy, so I'm just going to put them out as is. They are all unrelated, so there's no story arch to this.
> 
> I am working on a much more mature chapter, and I'm hoping to finish it in the next week-ish, so keep an eye out for that!
> 
> Anyways, I hope you enjoy this really short chapter. :)

What she remembers the most about that night is how tightly Levi held her hand. She still can't quite remember the details, how she ended up in the back of the wagon with a concussion, but she remembers the feeling of his hand. She remembers laying on her back, looking up at the stars, the wagon bumping, Levi sitting next to her, his hand warm and strong. His thumb brushed over her knuckles softly and she squeezed back. 

He didn't normally acknowledge their relationship in public, and she knew that for him to do this, he must have been really worried. She thinks she remembers him reaching out a hand and brushing her hair off of her forehead. And she's pretty sure she hears him whisper to her.

"I love you, you ridiculous woman."

**

Mikasa is not a virgin when she and Levi begin their affair. Someday, she'll tell him about her two previous lovers, though she had an inkling he already knew. He seems to know everything that goes on.

She is no virgin, but she has also never experienced anything like him before. She expects him to be rough, hard, but he's gentle. The way he touches her, looks at her, it's almost as if he worships her. He explores her entire body, takes his time learning her. She never understood the way books and songs spoke of making love until she was with him.

Afterwards, she lies in his arms, her head on his chest. His right arm is wrapped around her, hand drawing lazy patterns on her soft skin, his lips occasionally pressing gentle kisses on the top of her head. She lets her own hand wander over his chest, stomach, hips. She memorizes his body, the smooth lines of his muscles, the small patch of hair on his chest, and she thinks that she loves him already.

**

The fucking sky was falling outside. At least, that's what it seemed like. Levi and Mikasa were huddled in the remains of a house, in the middle of fucking nowhere Marley, in the midst of a bomb raid that seemed likely to kill the entire Scout Regiment. This was, likely, the end of the war. The end of Paradis. 

"Were you able to find Jean? Conny?" Levi asked tightly. Mikasa shook her head. She hadn't found anyone in her brief search outside. Levi sighed. This really was the end. _Fuck it._

"Mikasa." he started, but he wasn't sure how to say what he needed to say. She turned to face him, and he could tell that she knew. He wasn't sure if that was good or not, if it made it easier or harder. Regardless of if she knew already, he needed to say it. "I love you." 

Mikasa looked into his eyes, her lavender gray eyes boring straight into his soul.

"I love you, too." She said softly. She shifted slightly, moving to lean against his shoulder, and he wrapped an arm around her, pulling her to him tightly. He found himself filled with regret.

"I'm sorry I pushed you away. I'm sorry I didn't let you in." Great. Fucking great. He was going to die, she was going to die, and he was baring his heart to her as the bombs fell. "We could have had more time."

"It doesn't matter anymore." Mikasa whispered into his chest, before leaning up to his face, kissing him urgently. He kissed back with equal fervor, wanting to claim as much of her as he could in this short time. She decided it wasn't enough to be next to him, and straddled him, throwing her arms around his neck. He held her hip in one hand, the other moving up and down her back. They didn't separate until another bomb blasted near to them. Mikasa pulled back, and he saw tears in her eyes. He pulled her to him, burying his face in the crook of her neck.

If he was going to die, at least it was in her arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again, everyone!


	3. Grief

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A slightly AU glimpse of Levi and Mikasa's return to Paradis after the fight in Liberio.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I definitely did not expect to be back so soon, but inspiration struck and I must listen! I'm still working on my mature chapter, and I'm still planning on getting it uploaded in the next week, so worry not dear readers! I hope you like this!
> 
> (My fellow Whovians may recognize something in this one.)

Levi found her in the small bedroom he had claimed for himself in the complex they had built near the wall by the sea. It wasn't as large as some of the official officer rooms, but it had the best view; the hill that led to the beach was right there, and if you opened the window you could smell and hear the sea. She had disappeared shortly after landing, while he had to help with the arrangements for Zeke and Eren; his assumption was that he would find her here, and he was relieved to find he was right, that he wouldn't have to search for her.

Mikasa stood in front of the window, standing still and ramrod straight. She had pulled off the top of her jumpsuit, tying the sleeves around her waist; her white undershirt stained with sweat. Levi noted that she had also removed her scarf. 

He carefully hung his cloak on the hook behind the door and closed the distance between them, looking intently at her face. Her cheeks were still tearstained, and her eyes filled again as he looked at her. He was able to get his arms around her before her cry broke out. 

She clung to him as she sobbed, choking on her agony. She felt his gentle guidance as he walked backwards to the bed, where he sat down and she curled up on his lap, her forehead on his temple. Her fingers clutched at the collar of his stiff jumpsuit as she tried to find something, anything to anchor to as she rode out the storm of her grief. Levi said nothing, but stroked her back gently and slowly, pressing kisses to her forehead occasionally. 

Eventually, after what felt like hours, her tears stopped. She moved slowly, pulling herself off of Levi, though part of her ached at the thought of moving away. They stood, both feeling the wear of the battle in their bodies. Each undressed slowly, worn down by the day. Levi would ordinarily have taken a shower immediately, but he was uncharacteristically nonchalant about it. Under different circumstances, perhaps they would have been celebrating tonight after bathing. They would have sat in the commissary with the entire team, toasting to the success of the mission. Maybe they would have made love slowly that night, passionately, celebrating their survival. 

Instead, they climbed into bed and huddled together, Levi’s arms wrapping around her shoulders as she laid her head on his chest. She knew she should feel grateful that she could do so, that she could hear his heart beating tonight. She should be grateful that they both survived. They knew the odds were against them; either one of them could die at any moment. She should be thankful they were here, together. But she only felt sorrow and she knew that somewhere, the rest of the squad was grieving too. 

“This is Eren’s fault.” Mikasa said, her voice hoarse. She wasn’t sure how long they had been laying there, but she knew that Levi was not yet asleep. She looked up at his face. He was staring at the ceiling, his jaw clenched.

“Yes.” He said softly, his voice tense. He lowered his gaze and met her eyes. “It is.”

Mikasa felt new tears pooling, but struggled to identify why she was crying. It was easy to say it was because she had lost a dear friend, a comrade, the woman she was closest with in the whole world. Sasha had become her confidant, had supported her as only another woman could. Mikasa could cry for days over this loss.

But these tears...they were angry. She abruptly realized she was full of confused rage. How could she feel so angry, so betrayed when she knew she still loved Eren? He was her beloved brother, her childhood savior, her best friend. She could not reconcile the person she knew with the person who had run away, endangered the entire Scout Regiment, and been responsible for so much damage, so much carnage. How was this different than when the Colossal Titan had appeared outside of Shiganshina so many years ago? 

How many more lives would be lost because of his actions?

Mikasa sat up, suddenly finding that she was unable to sit still. Tears still streamed down her face, and she knew what she wanted to do. She started to get dressed, and was halfway into her trousers when Levi appeared before her, hands on her shoulders.

"Where are you going?" 

“I need to go talk to Eren.” 

“Mikasa, Hange won’t let you anywhere near him. He needs to be questioned.” Mikasa shook her head as Levi spoke. 

“I’ll get in.” She said, her jaw set resolutely.

“Please don’t make me pull rank. Not tonight.” He responded quietly. Mikasa looked at him and realized that he looked exhausted and defeated. His eyes were tight and she could see that he was carrying Sasha's death on his shoulders. Her shoulders slumped, and she moved closer to Levi. He pulled her back into his embrace, and for the second time that night she clung to him as she cried, though this time it was quieter, softer.

“I don’t know what to do. I don’t know who he is anymore.” She said, her voice muffled against his neck. Levi had no response, but he held her closer. 

"He’s been changing for years," Levi said finally, pulling away to look at her. "Since the battle in Shiganshina, since that fucking basement. None of us wanted to see it."

Mikasa knew he was right, because she had been the one who had been most impacted by him pulling away. She wondered, at times, if that's why she and Levi had happened. Eren hadn't been around, mentally, so she had pushed herself harder in training. She had insisted on Levi training her, and had found herself with him more and more. Being around Levi was...easier, somehow, than being with Eren. And she knew, deep in her heart, that she and Levi were inevitable.

It was through Levi that she had learned that love doesn't have to hurt. Through Levi, she was finally able to place her feelings for Eren, finally able to move past her teenage assumption that they would be together, and recognize that she didn't love him the way she thought she did. Because she loved Levi. 

Her feelings for him had come abruptly. Or maybe not. Maybe just her realization of her feelings for him had hit her abruptly. They had been training together for a long time, and she had begun to assist him in other duties. They were in his office, late one night, when the dam had broken.

_\-------------------------------------------------_

_Mikasa handed him a cup of tea, glancing at the document he was focused on. She was startled to see it was an Ackerman family tree._

_"Is that the entire clan?" She asked._

_Levi hummed in response, grasping his tea cup and sipping._

_"Where are you?" He pointed to the bottom of the chart in response to her question. Her eyes traced the lines of the tree, looking for her own name but not finding it._

_"You're not on this one." Levi said in response to her puzzled expression._

_"Oh good, that clears it up then." Mikasa responded sarcastically._

_"Tch. Impatient much?" Levi unrolled another chart as he spoke, setting it off to one side. He lined it up carefully, and she could suddenly see the connections. She tried to calculate their relationship in her head, but Levi beat her with the answer._

_"We're something like fourth cousins twice removed. We share great-great-great-great-great grandparents, if I've done the tree accurately."_

_"You made this?" Mikasa asked, surprised._

_"Call it a pet project. I was able to find a lot of information, but none of it was together. The good thing about the Ackerman clan not having their memories wiped by the fucking king is that the original Ackermans, 100 years ago, were able to remember the ones who didn't make it to the island. I've spent a few years tracking this all down and putting it together."_

_"So we are related?"_

_"Very, very distantly. Not closely related for generations."_

_Mikasa suddenly felt an overwhelming sense of relief, but she couldn't place why. She let out a sigh of relief, one that she hadn't even realized she was holding in. Levi arched an eyebrow and she looked away quickly, her cheeks burning._

_"I just... I'm glad." She said, so quietly she barely heard herself. Levi was quiet, and she wasn't sure that he had heard her._

_"Why?" He asked, just as softly. Mikasa's heart thumped unevenly in her chest and her thoughts raced as she tried to answer his question. She turned away from his desk and wandered over to the window, looking out at the moon. She felt his eyes follow her. She settled on an easy out._

_"I care about you, that's all."_

_"I see. And you couldn't care about me if we were closely related?" Damn. She should have known he wouldn't let her off that easy._

_"No, of course I could! I'm sorry, Captain, I'm just tired. I think I should excuse myself for the night."_

_Levi moved quickly to stand in front of her, blocking her exit._

_"I think we're past formalities at this point, Mikasa." He said gently, his eyes burning with emotion. "Why are you glad?"_

_Mikasa closed her eyes and wracked her brain for an answer. One line kept repeating itself over and over in the back of her mind, but she wasn't sure she could bring herself to say it out loud. She wasn't sure she was brave enough, or if she was ready to own it._

**_because i love you because i love you because i love you_**

_No. No, she couldn't. There was no way. She loved Eren. Right? She was going to be with Eren. That's what she'd been ready for her whole life. Being with Eren would be hard; he could be very moody, withdrawn, angry, but she loved him._

_That voice though, it was getting louder. Levi was giving her the space and time she needed. He hadn't moved, hadn't pushed her any further. Levi was like that, though. Considerate. More gentle than most people gave him credit for. You just had to get to know him, and if you were lucky enough to get past his gruff exterior you would find that he cared deeply. Louder and louder, that voice was screaming at her now._

_**BECAUSE I LOVE YOU BECAUSE I LOVE YOU BECAUSE I LOVE YOU**_

_Oh. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck! She did. She had fallen in love with her fucking Captain and now she was trapped with no way out but to tell him and fucking damnit, apparently she had picked up his foul mouth too._

_This whole process took less than a minute, but it had worn her out. Mikasa took a deep breath and steeled herself. She was the Girl Worth 100 Soldiers, for fuck's sake. She could handle this._

_Her eyes opened and she saw Levi looking at her tenderly._

_"Because I love you." She said quietly, but surely. It would take her more time to work through the complexity, but in the moment she was more sure of the fact that she loved this man than she was of her own name._

_Levi exhaled, and the shadow of a smile crossed his face._

_"Quite right, too." He said, stepping closer to her. She watched him, heart beating faster and faster. He stopped right in front of her, slowly bringing his hand to her cheek. He traced his thumb over her cheekbone, and she leaned into his touch. His hand was so warm..._

_He leaned in closer, his lips so close to her own. She looked longingly into his eyes, those beautiful blue-gray eyes. She had never really appreciated them before this. It all seemed so sudden to her, but so right, so sure._

_"I love you, too." Levi whispered, before claiming her lips._

_\-------------------------------------------------_

Mikasa shook her head against Levi's shoulder. This wasn't the time or the place to get lost in memories. There was work to be done.

"What do we do?" She asked, hoping desperately that Levi had an answer. He pulled away, brushing her hair out of her eyes.

"I don't know." He said, bluntly. "We hope that Hange and Armin can come up with something. But for tonight, we go to bed and try to get some good fucking sleep, because you can bet we're going to need it."

Mikasa nodded, and let him pull her to the bed for the second time that night. He slid in behind her, holding her tightly to his chest. She could feel the steady rhythm of his heart on her back. Sleep would come eventually, she was sure of it. 

The grief though - she would have to learn to live with that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yikes, so I'm kind of wondering if maybe I'm too abrupt with my endings? But also, that's kind of what life is like. Things come to an end abruptly. 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed it!


	4. Adore

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi tried to bring himself to be ashamed, but he just couldn't find it in himself to care. He knew that as an officer, he should not be in this position with a junior officer. This was dangerous, not only for the regiment, but for him, personally.
> 
> Rated M

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone. Here it is, what feels like 7 years after I promised it. My Mature chapter, finally. Rating and tags updated! 
> 
> Sorry to have delayed so long, Life has kind of a little bit kicked my ass the past couple of weeks, and it was really hard to be happy with anything that I wrote. I'm still not 100% thrilled with this. It went in a very different direction from what I first imagined. I might come back and toy with it later, but if I do I'll update the notes.
> 
> Just slightly AU and maybe a teeny bit OOC.

When it happened, it happened fast. It was shortly after Eren disappeared, presumably to Marley. His note was short, curt, and only said to look for a letter from him and be prepared to move. 

Mikasa, now a Lieutenant, stood in front of Captain Levi's desk near midnight a week after they found the note. She had asked him to approve her small squad to go and track Eren down. Levi snorted quietly.

"Not fucking likely, Ackerman." He responded, not even looking up from his work. Mikasa sighed to steady herself. She hadn't expected this to be easy. She could have gone directly to Hange, but thought that the odds may be better for approval if she convinced Levi first. 

"Captain, the odds of success with a team of five are good. We can move quickly and quietly through the country, find him and evacuate."

"You have no way of knowing that, Lieutenant. Besides, the brat has, unfortunately, become very good at stealth." Levi said steadily, signing his name to the document quickly and moving to the next document. He hadn't even looked at her since she entered his room. Her nerves were frayed and her blood boiled.

"Fine. Armin and I can go by ourselves." At this, Levi finally looked up at her. His eyes were cold, and he stood slowly. 

"You propose taking our one remaining Titan, currently our best line of defense against Marley? You want to leave us completely defenseless if another ship shows up?" He moved around the desk and stood in front of her, crossing his arms. Mikasa sensed that she had crossed a line with him, but she couldn't stop.

"You wouldn't be defenseless. The Scouts are perfectly capable of guarding the island." 

"I'm surprised at you, Lieutenant. You would gladly leave your country at risk to track down your boyfriend?" Mikasa blushed.

"Eren is not my boyfriend." She said softly, but firmly. Levi raised an eyebrow.

"Your lover, then. Regardless of who he is to you, your request is denied."

"He's not my lover, either." Mikasa said, gritting her teeth in frustration and anger. Levi smirked and stepped closer to her, He was annoyed at her request, annoyed at the intrusion so late, and frankly, he felt like pushing her buttons. 

"We've all seen it, Ackerman. Your rabid protection of him aside, the tension between the two of you is palpable." He was standing close enough to her now that he could feel her breath on him. He exaggerated a sniff. "Hell, even talking about him I can smell how much you want him."

Mikasa's eyes snapped shut, and Levi felt a rush of satisfaction that he had succeeded in flustering her. As he was about to step back, she raised her arm. For one wild moment, he thought she was going to hit him.

But then.

Her hand grabbed the front of his shirt to pull him closer, she tilted her head and kissed him.

He froze. She moved her lips against his desperately, and he briefly considered pushing her away. He was sure she was just using him to fill a void, and a part of him didn't want to do it, to be used. But a bigger part of him was curious, wanted to see how far she would push this. 

And. 

He hadn't fucked in a while.

So he kissed her back, roughly pulling her against him. One hand gripped her hip, the other moving down to grip her ass possessively. She groaned, her arms wrapping around his shoulders, kissing him fiercely. They waged a small war on each other's lips, each battling for dominance, neither giving an inch. Mikasa finally pulled back, looking him in the eye while she started to unbutton her shirt.

"It's never been him that I've wanted." She said, roughly yanking her shirt up past the waistband of her pants and pulling it down her shoulders. He groaned and she ground her hips into his. He would think about this later, consider the meaning behind her words then; now, his cock grew hard and the friction between them was delicious so he pulled his shirt over his head and set it behind him on the desk, hands moving up to cup her breasts through the thin bra she wore. 

He screwed her against his desk 15 minutes after she had walked in, her ankles digging into his ass as he thrust into her roughly. As she left his room that night, he called after her casually. "Request still denied, Mikasa." She nodded curtly, and he smirked again. 

————————

They fucked like rabbits after that. Every time they found themselves alone, they ended up fucking. In the stables, Mikasa sucked his dick with so much enthusiasm, he had to bite down on his first to keep from yelling out his orgasm. In dark corners, in his room so many times, up against Hange's bookshelf while they waited for a briefing, once in the kitchen pantry while the rest of the corps ate breakfast in the room next to them, only a thin door between them...they were all over each other. 

Levi tried to bring himself to be ashamed, but he just couldn't find it in himself to care. He knew that as an officer, he should not be in this position with a junior officer. This was dangerous, not only for the regiment, but for him, personally. He had taken lovers during his time with the Scouts, but he had made it clear it was physical only. They were always short affairs too, lasting at most a couple of weeks. 

But this went on for months. Somewhere along the line, though he couldn’t pinpoint when, it stopped being only physical. Mikasa would come to his quarters to read while he worked. She would walk with him as he did perimeter duty, accompany him on inspections, they would review briefings and official communiques together. 

They didn't speak much; they both found that they didn't need a lot of words to communicate. When they did talk, they spoke of their pasts. He had heard, over the course of the years, of the death of her parents, but hearing from her was another thing indeed. He wiped a tear from her check when she spoke of Carla’s death, of losing another set of parents. She learned about his mother, the affection in his voice still clear after all these years. She held his hand tightly after he told her about Furlan and Isabel.

The way she spoke to him, looked at him, did small things for him was...adoring? Levi had been so sure she was just using him, that it was a power play, but now he wasn’t so sure. He realized one day, when she turned up at his door with a steaming cup of tea and a soft smile, that he was happy. 

Maybe, just maybe, there was more.

It was new to him, though, and part of his brain (or maybe his heart, he wasn't sure) screamed at him to be careful, to even put a stop to this. 

_It won’t work out. She’s only using me, letting me fill the hole (snigger) that he left in her. I’ll only hurt her, she’ll only hurt me, this will only end with pain. One, or both, of us could die. Stupid, stupid, stupid._

————————

The letter came four months after he left.

They were making hurried arrangements to leave for Marley, per the letter Eren had sent. Nobody was happy about it. They had only three days to make arrangements, and everyone was frazzled. Levi honestly thought that Hange might lose their mind, they were so frantic while giving orders. 

He probably should have devoted more time to ensuring their wellbeing, but he had other things on his mind. He had watched Mikasa out of the corner of his eye all day, since they had met to read the letter. She had paled, then looked shocked, relieved, and happy in quick succession. He watched her through the day as she rushed through her orders. 

She was going to stop this, whatever it was. Levi was furious. How stupid he was, to believe that there was a possibility that it was anything more that fucking. She was so ready to jump back into Eren’s arms, the fucking brat he was. She seemed to have no regard for the regiment’s well-being; she snapped orders to her squad and on more than one occasion observed her pushing a recruit aside to complete a task herself. 

Finally, he reached his own limit. After watching her snap at the same recruit for the fifth time in an hour, he intervened. He grabbed her by the elbow, ignoring her protests, and dragged her out of the commissary and down a short hallway to his own room. 

“What the fuck is wrong with you, Lieutenant?” He asked quietly, anger simmering beneath the surface. Mikasa cocked an eyebrow at him.

“They aren’t taking this seriously. We need to be prepared to move, and move quickly.” She responded with confidence, and it pissed him off. 

“They are moving with as much efficiency as is possible.” Levi said, glaring at her. 

“Not efficiently enough.” She muttered. 

“Fucking hell, Mikasa.” Levi sat on the edge of his bed, raising a hand to rub at the crease between his eyes. He was doing his best not to identify or acknowledge the emotions he was experiencing, except for anger, and it was giving him a headache.

“What? What’s your problem, Levi? We need Eren!” 

“And nobody more than you, right?” Mikasa took a step back at the tone of his voice. Her expression changed to one of confusion.

“Is that what this is about? Levi, I thought I was clear.” She was quiet as she spoke, and she started to move back toward him. Levi held up his hand to stop her.

“Clear? You have been anything but clear, Mikasa. I could even go so far as to say you've only been cruel. Have you been imagining him when you're with me? Have I just been a tool, something to be used while the one you really want is away?" Levi's voice was poison, his anger no longer beneath the surface. His eyes bore straight into her, and the hurt she saw in them broke her heart. 

She knew, in that moment, how unfair she had really been. She had never been one to give sweeping declarations. Even thanking Eren for all he had done for her had come only at the moment she was sure they would both die. Mikasa felt awkward with words, never quite managing to convey the depth of her feelings with them. She was a woman of action, and she thought that she had shown Levi her feelings, but it clearly hadn't been enough. Her eyes filled with tears as she looked at this man, who had her heart in his hands without even knowing it. The pain that she had inflicted on him consumed her all at once, and she thought she would crumble under its weight.

Levi watched her coldly, completely unaware of her internal turmoil. He had to know, had to ask.

"What is he to you? What am I to you, Mikasa?" Mikasa gathered her thoughts, knowing that she only had one chance to correct her error.

"Eren is my brother. A beloved brother, but only a brother. He is my dear friend, but only a friend. He has never been anything else to me. The sense of duty I feel to him is as a big sister, only." Mikasa said, forcing herself to look him in the eyes. "Levi, you..." Here, her voice broke. She took a deep breath and collected herself. "You are warmth. Safety. Comfort. You are a dream I never thought would come true. What I feel for you is indescribable. Levi, you are like the sun to me."

Levi watched her, eyes narrowing at her description of Eren before widening slightly at her declaration. She took another hesitant step toward him, almost close enough to touch him. 

"I'm more sorry than you know to have caused you any pain, or any doubt. I...don't feel comfortable with words. I don't ever think that I can completely describe my feelings. But, denying you the words was wrong. I know that now. I thought you would know through actions only. So let me be clear now." She was now in front of him, and she dropped to her knees in front of him so that he looked down into her eyes. They shone brightly with unshed tears.

"I love you, Levi. I'm in love with you. I think I may have been from the moment I first saw you. There have been times where I've hated you, for what you've put us through, put my brother through. But hate is the flip side of love. I couldn't hate you if I didn't love you." Mikasa put her hands gently on Levi's knees, gathering her remaining courage. The next part could break her. "You've had a tight grip on my heart for far longer than you may have thought. But, I need you to know that I have no expectation of anything from you. I understand if you don't feel the same way. One word from you, and I will wish you only the best and walk away."

She continued to look up at him, her lavender gray eyes not leaving his. His mind was spinning. This was an unexpected turn of events. He had been prepared to nurse a broken heart, prepared to put more walls around that same, fragile heart. But she had picked it up to care for it, not to crush it. He didn't know how to respond. 

The moments dragged on, neither of them speaking, only staring at each other. Levi was lost in his thoughts and wasn’t sure how much time passed. Minutes? Days? The fucking seasons could have changed outside the window and he wouldn’t have noticed, so lost he was in his own world, in the things he saw in Mikasa’s ( _gorgeous_ ) eyes.

Levi had not allowed himself dreams of the future since he was a child, since his mother had died. The world was too ruthless, and dreams were too dangerous. He had seen more than one person destroyed by the harsh realities of life after allowing themselves to dream of a better existence. But looking into her eyes, it was almost as if he could see her hopes for their life together. The dream of a life after the war. 

And fuck all, it looked good. It looked really good.

He swallowed thickly, aware that this whole thing, whatever it was called, was now in his hands. He knew that the world viewed him as ruthless, terrifying, even cold-hearted. But somehow, this woman had gotten under the façade he had put carefully in place as a child and discovered the person underneath. 

Without speaking, Levi took one of her hands and helped her to stand before him, before pulling her hips and guiding her to straddle him. He answered her with a searing kiss. She responded, wrapping her arms around his shoulders. They sat there like that, shamelessly necking until he wanted more.

Levi leveraged his position to flip her under him, swallowing her gasp with his mouth. He brought a knee up to the apex of her thighs, pushing gently into her. She groaned and ground against him. His hands were everywhere and her entire body was on fire. 

He had already unbuttoned her blouse and had pushed her bra down to cup her breasts in his hand before she had even adjusted to the sudden position change. She brought a hand up to his chest and started unbuttoning his shirt in response. They had never done this before, never undressed each other. There was an almost business-like efficiency in their fucking before this, either pushing aside clothing as needed or stripping themselves before getting in to bed together. There was undoubtedly more intimacy in removing his clothing for him than in removing her own. She pushed the fabric of his shirt down his shoulders and he broke the kiss to shrug it off.

HIs bare chest met hers as he dipped his head down to kiss and nibble her neck, and she moaned softly in response, her hands moving up and down his back. He kissed his way down to her right nipple, taking it in his mouth and nipping gently. She gasped, arching her back into him. He hummed slightly as he moved to the other breast. She felt his knee move and keened at the loss, desperate for more. Levi moved down further, licking the skin on her navel, his hands moving to her work pants and making quick work of the fastening. She lifted her hips as he pulled both the trousers and her panties down in one motion, motion hindered slightly at her boots. He chuckled, and the sound filled her with warmth. 

"Oops." he said softly, unbuckling her boots and tossing them gently to the side of his bed. He finished ridding her of her clothing before standing up and kicking his own boots off in a well-practiced manner. She moved quickly to the edge of the bed, sitting in front of him as he stood, her hands replacing his on the buckle of his belt. 

"My turn." Mikasa said, slowly undoing the belt and removing it, moving on to the button. She tugged and pulled until he was free, and they were both naked. She drank him in, biting her lips to contain another moan. Her fingertips whispered across the lines of his abdomen, tracing the lines of his muscles, working their way down. 

Levi stopped her before she reached her goal, grasping her wrist in his hand.

"I'm not quite finished with you." He said, motioning to her to move back up the bed. She complied, settling herself in. He hadn't moved, though, and was staring at her. Mikasa was not ashamed of her body, and she had been naked in front of him before, of course. But under this intense scrutiny, she blushed. He noticed, and sighed.

"You're so fucking beautiful." He said simply. She took in his words, a slow smile spreading across her lips. Levi got back into bed with her, settling himself in between her legs. His hand dipped between them, tracing over her folds. Mikasa took a sharp breath, her eyes fluttering closed. Levi dipped his finger in, and was pleased to find that she was already wet. Very wet. He groaned, his plan for taking this slow flying out the window. There would be time to more thoroughly explore her body later; well, the parts he hadn't already discovered, at least. Now, after the high emotions of the evening, he needed to be in her, needed to feel her around him.

He ducked down to kiss her again, lining himself up while he did so. She instinctively moved her legs, bringing them up to rest around his hips. One of her hands wrapped around his bicep, the other the back of his neck and then he was pushing forward and he was in her and it felt so, so good. He sucked in a breath, his eyes closed at the feeling of her. Her hand stroked the nape of his neck gently, and he opened his eyes to look down at her.

She was watching him carefully, her lips swollen, eyes full of desire. No. Not desire. Need. It came to him suddenly, and once he realized it, he knew it was truth. Mikasa Ackerman, The Girl Worth 100 Soldiers, needed him. He groaned, the words coming out of his mouth without hesitation.

"I love you." He said, moving his hips slowly, rocking into her. She leaned up to kiss him, her kisses desperate and sloppy. She moved against him and fuck it was so good. 

———————— 

Later, they lay together in the moonlight, limbs tangled and sweaty. Despite being two very in-shape people, they were breathing heavily. This last round, their third that night, had been...energetic, to say the least. Mikasa's throat was dry, and she was fairly sure that the entire regiment had heard them both.

"Should we worry about anyone hearing?" She asked timidly. Levi snickered.

"A bit too late for that, I think." He answered, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. She blushed, though he couldn't see. "Nobody's going to say anything. They're too afraid of us." Mikasa chuckled. 

"Do you think we at least ought to tell Hange?" Levi paused, considering this. After a moment, he sighed.

"I suppose so. Though, I'm not sure what to tell them. That we're lovers?" Mikasa wrinkled her nose and looked up at him. He sighed. "You see the problem." 

Her eyebrows furrowed as she thought, and she rested her chin on his chest, still looking at him. He cocked an eyebrow at her. 

"What about partners?" She suggested finally. Levi could only just see her in the dark, and he studied her face carefully.

"Is that what you want?" He asked softly. Mikasa rose up on her elbows and hovered over him. 

"I just want to be with you. And I hope that you want to be with me." She responded, leaning down to kiss him sweetly. He wrapped his arms around her waist, trapping her against him. 

"I do."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope it was ok and that you enjoyed! Thanks for reading!


	5. Dance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A small voice nudged her from the back of her mind. 
> 
> be brave
> 
> And so, consequences be damned, she reached out and took his hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A pretty fluffy drabble that I wrote super quickly and didn't put through my normally rigorous editing and re-writing stage. Hopefully you'll like it. :)
> 
> Slight spoilers for the Manga ahead. Also maybe a little AU because I really can't deal with Armin dying, so buh-bye Curse of Ymir

The annual Victory Day Celebration was not exactly something Mikasa ever looked forward to. Three years had passed since she killed Eren and ended the Rumbling, and out of a sense of duty to Armin, she always attended. But it felt more like a chore than anything else.

The first year, she had been shell shocked and grieving. All of them were. The country wanted to celebrate them, though. Needed to, some argued. Armin had discussed the details with Historia, and Mikasa just went through the motions. She smiled emotionlessly, waved occasionally, let people throw flowers at her. Surreptitiously, all of the remaining Scouts and Warriors held hands, hidden under the decorations of the absurd float they were on. Levi held her hand, she held Jean's, he held Pieck's, she held Reiner's, and so on. They squeezed each other, borrowing strength from each other. Somehow, they made it through the entire parade, the entire feast, most of the ball. She had a feeling, afterwards, that Historia had worked quietly with the Military Police and Garrison Regiment to ensure that nobody actually got too close to the Scouts; Historia knew how little they wanted to be there.

The second year, they were attendees and not guests of honor. There was more time in that second year to arrange memorials, to focus on rebuilding, and the spotlight on the heroes was no longer necessary. The Scouts and Warriors that were still in Paradis - Armin, Annie, Levi, Mikasa, Reiner, and Conny - stood on stage with the Queen, waved as necessary, bowed their heads solemnly at the appropriate moments, but there were no other expectations. Jean had wanted to make it back to celebrate, but his duties in Marley (along with a very pregnant Pieck) kept him there. He sent letters of regret, but they weren't necessary because everyone understood.

That was the funny thing about being one of the survivors. No explanations seemed necessary anymore. They all just understood each other. There were no more grudges, no resentment, no secrets. The small group that had made it out of that hell clung to each other. They were still able to get together every so often, the whole group renting out an inn somewhere beautiful for a week or two. It was at these gatherings that they shared information, successes, happinesses, downfalls, heartbreaks, everything.

Jean and Pieck's small wedding had taken place during one of these weeks away, the swell in her belly only slightly visible. Armin, Reiner, Annie, and Pieck's cautious optimism that the Curse of Ymir might really be done, thanks to Gabi and Falco's research was shared. Everyone's battles with grief, guilt, nightmares - it was dealt with among understanding friends. Family, really; that's what Mikasa had come to think of these people as. 

Outside of those times, they made themselves useful to the country, and to the world. Jean and Pieck worked in Marley as ambassadors. Armin was Commander of the Scouts, with Reiner his second in command. Conny had started a construction company, helping to restore Paradis Island to its former glory and paving the way for more technological advancements. Annie worked with the Military Police again, and became Historia's head of security. Gabi and Falco traveled between Paradis and Marley to study, research, and teach. Levi had opened a few successful tea houses around Paradis and managed them from afar. His heart, though, was in opening the doors to the Underground, getting people out and relocated. 

Mikasa had felt a little lost for a while. She knew that the hope was that she would become an ambassador to Hizuru; she knew that Lady Azumabito, in particular, was hungry for that outcome. Perhaps it was for that reason that Mikasa's heart urged her against taking that position. The expectation that she would just do it made her feel rebellious. It wasn't until she spent a few days working with Levi and some orphans from the Underground that she realized her calling was to help place these children in loving homes. As it turned out, this put her and Levi in another close working situation. They shared offices as they worked in cooperation with the Crown to help children and families relocate. 

She found that she still enjoyed working with him. He was still gruff and sarcastic, but he genuinely wanted to help, and he could be downright sweet to the children they worked with. It also helped that he was not afraid to kick ass as needed, because some of the orphanages they visited for temporary placement were downright scary. One glare from Levi would generally have the director of the orphanage promising up and down to reform. Levi would glower at them, and swear that another visit would be coming soon, and if anything was not up to his very high standard, the orphanage would be shut down. There was, fortunately, only one time where a return visit resulted in loss of funding. 

They spent quite a bit of time together now, certainly more than they had during the war. They had a few part time staff in the main office, and a few traveling staff; the bulk of the work was done by the two of them, mostly because they had the same high standards for the work they were doing. Mikasa found it was nice to have someone she knew and trusted so implicitly to help her.

There was something else that was starting to build between them, too, though she wasn't sure she wanted to acknowledge it. She had spent a very long time rebuilding her heart after Eren, and she wasn't sure she would be able to give anyone else such power over her.

Still, Mikasa couldn't deny that she had become used to his brief touch sweeping a lock of hair behind her ear, or rubbing her cheek gently to wake her up after she had fallen asleep at her desk. She couldn't deny that she was intimately aware of his frustrations with his replacement fingers, as well as his quiet happiness at the work they did, though he never spoke of it. She couldn't deny that she was secretly thrilled when she had an excuse to touch him, and that she delighted in his small, reverent touches.

\----------------------------------------------------------

She wanted to be anywhere but there. 

Her mind wandered as the speeches dragged on, grateful that this year there was sun instead of rain. Over the past few years, the Celebrations had changed, slowly coming to resemble something that incorporated both remembrances and celebrations. All across the country, towns and cities put on memorial parades, radios tuned in to the Queen's address, feasts sponsored by the Crown were thrown. Nowhere was there a bigger celebration than in the Capital, though. 

Of course, that's where they were. They found themselves dragged onto the stage after the parade, again. Jean and Pieck had come with their son, and for the first time since the previous summer the entire group was together again. It felt nice, knowing that they were all in this together again. Still, Mikasa longed for it to be over. She wanted to go back to the palace, put on her casual clothing, and lounge in the large sitting room that was right around the corner from their rooms. Historia always managed to arrange for them to be near each other in their own small wing of the palace. She wanted to sit around the fire with the people she loved most in the world without the public's eyes on them. She wanted to catch up with them individually and as a group. She wanted to smother Jean's son with kisses and find out what Gabi had been researching. 

And there would be time for that, later. A whole two weeks, in fact, as they had managed to clear their schedules and had been granted leave to stay at Historia's ranch in the country. For now, until she could slip out quietly, she did her duty. Mikasa was aware that this was an important event, that her - or rather, their - presence was indispensable. She would never be so disrespectful to Armin, or Historia, as to not come and not do what was required of her as a Scout, as a survivor. So after the feast, she fluttered around the ballroom, striking up small conversations with important people, answering questions about her work, sipping champagne with the other Scouts when she could catch a break from socializing with Paradis citizens. 

Despite her readiness to leave, Mikasa did have to admit that she felt a warm glow, watching her friends as they danced. They seemed to enjoy the festivities quite a bit more than she did. She followed Annie and Armin's trail around the dance floor, momentarily lost in memories of the small blonde child she used to know. She barely recognized this tall, lean, handsome man as the little boy she used to defend.

"Dance with me." Levi said, appearing from nowhere to stand next to her. Mikasa startled. 

"I don't dance." She replied firmly. Levi smirked.

"I could always make you." He said after a pause. He looked her up and down, and she felt her cheeks flush. She scoffed, trying to brush off the rush of emotion she was feeling.

"You could try. I'm not sure how successful you would be." 

"Humanity's Strongest, remember?" He said, his gaze turning back to the dance floor. 

"Girl Worth 100 Soldiers, remember?" She returned, watching him. Somehow, she knew that if she accepted, if they danced, their relationship would forever and irrevocably be different. 

And she wasn't sure if she was brave enough for that to happen. 

There was another long pause; she wouldn't exactly call it awkward, but there was tension between them; something was brewing. He looked over to her again, his blue-gray eyes burning into her.

"Dance with me." He repeated softly. It was no longer a question. He held out his hand and she stared at him. A hundred responses rose in her, from sarcastic to mean to so absurdly sappy she wasn't sure if she had actually thought it or if she was somehow overhearing someone else's thoughts. She said nothing though, standing motionless for a moment, looking at him. 

_be brave_

A small voice nudged her from the back of her mind. 

_be brave_

And so, consequences be damned, she reached out and took his hand. She let him lead her to the dance floor, let him put his hand on the small of her back and pull her in closer, let him cradle her hand in his own. He guided her expertly around the dance floor, and she was hardly surprised to find that he was an accomplished dancer. He was so talented, in fact, that he made her look good. She had barely been taught any of the formal dances, but found that she didn't really need to know with him. He twirled her around and she followed him, her purple gown spinning around her legs. 

His eyes never left hers, and somewhere along the way the music slowed and he relaxed their pace to match the beat, bringing their joined hands to his chest. Mikasa tried to remember to breathe steadily, but the emotion she saw in his eyes combined with her own strong emotions in the moment overwhelmed her. They had slowed to a sway, hardly moving anymore. His thumb caressed the palm of her hand, which had come to rest on his heart. 

"Be brave." She whispered, hardly realizing that she was talking out loud. Levi smiled at her softly, then leaned up to capture her lips in his own. Her eyelids fluttered closed, and she returned the kiss, letting all of her fears and doubts leave her mind. This man was good, and all of a sudden she was sure that he was hers in the same way that she was his. 

They didn't recognize the whooping from the other Scouts until it was all around them, and they broke apart to find themselves surrounded.

"About damn time!" Reiner howled. Levi scowled at him while simultaneously being clapped on the back by Jean. 

"Show some restraint Braun, for fuck's sake." Levi muttered, his gaze returning to Mikasa. She saw over her shoulder that Armin was smiling at her radiantly. She blushed, then started to smile back. All of a sudden, she was laughing, and so was Levi, and so were their friends. 

Levi hadn't let go of her, and the hand on her lower back pulled her even closer for another kiss. He broke it, grinned at her again, then tilted his head toward the door.

"Let's get out of here." He said, and she was happy to let him lead her again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have this headcannon that our boy Levi is secretly a really good dancer. Agree or disagree?
> 
> Also, let's be real: that Edward Cullen line was 100% actually written for Levi Ackerman.


End file.
